Mothering Must Tells Number Two
Continuing in the line of things that must be told to children as I have learned them, I come to a hard one to both understand and to express. I learned this one through two solid years of family counseling at $190 bucks a session...let me save you some money and time...Our family was in counseling because our eldest son, then 16, had suffered a clinical depression but he would not stay on meds, attend personal therapy, etc. Things disintegrated to the point where he was the host of baccalaureate for graduation but told us the night before the ceremony that he was actually not graduating. He'd failed one class---AP English (man that kills as a writer mom) and also the fact that he got a perfect 5 on the AP exam did not help matters but nonetheless, he did not graduate. I hauled him to GED classes while he sulked or cursed. He got the GED but refused to start at a community college. We told him, college, work, or a one-way ticket to the middle of nowhere in the deep throat woods of the Allegheny mountains to live with my grandfather for a year. He chose the woods. He left behind angry, parents who still kept going to therapy...until we learned the MUST TELL NUMBER TWO....I Believe IN YOU. That's it--four words. Sounds easy right, or even cheesy to the point of being pie, but it's not. I believe in you is not the same as I love you, or even I like you. It's a statement that transcends the moment and envelops the moment and boy does it produce results. The first time I said that on the phone to my son, I was met with such ferocity of anger and self-abasement on his part that you'd think I poured acid through the receiver. He raved. How could I believe in him? He was a failure! I kept it up, sneaking the innocent phrase in, here and there, always being met with resistance or tears. Then he came home. He started out a junior college and pretty much blew off everything. I kept saying it. I believe in you. It didn't matter if I fully understood all that believing meant but the more I said it, the better I understood it. It was not an expectation; it was the truth. Now, eight years later, our son is a senior creative writing major at a small prestigious university. He's already been published and is the editor of the school's literary magazine. He still battles depression on his own, still slips up now and then, but he's alive in abundant life. He believes in himself, faults and all. It's a funny thing that God believes in us. He loves us, gave himself for us, yes, but He also believes in us..in what we can do through him and in him. I believe in you. Stand up. Get up. Amen.
Wow !! Kelly you have hit the nail on the head AGAIN !! I have to forward these on and share with my friends each time. Keep inspiring us readers!!!
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Another timely devotional...for me from God. Thankyou for following God's prompting today, Kelly
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Kelly, thanks so much for sharing this beautiful message. I'm struggling through a very similar situation and it's tearing our family apart. You have given me hope, my dear friend. Take care and God bless!
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Thanks! I needed to be reminded to do this, daily.
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WOW!! from me too! Awesome post. I only wish that I had this info about 20 years ago. I always thought the most important thing was to make sure that my two kids knew that I loved them... unconditionally. There was still something missing.... I think this... "I believe in you"... would have done it. Thank you.
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This light gray print is so faint that I cannot read most of this post. Sorry.
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I also never believe that I am really liked i really feel that people just say things that they think you want to hear it. I don't think that I am really worth anything except what I am able to do for them. I only really feel good when I am reading that is the one thing that I love to do and feel good about it. I would love to go back to school but know I am not very smart. well hope every one gets as much enjoyment as I do with reading. I really have read over two hundred books in the last year an going to keep reading as long as these authors keep the great books coming.
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Karen,
Anyone who has read that many books can do college, but more than that, GOD LOVES YOU. HE MADE YOU. HE DOESN'T MAKE MISTAKES....YOU are so worthwhile that He gave His Son to die for you. You need to focus on this when you are down and read the Bible (even a bit) everyday!
Love,
Kelly
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